Danny Wallace and the Centre of the Universe by Danny Wallace

Author:Danny Wallace
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781407062204
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

‘Thank you!’ I say. ‘Thank you so much for my coin!’

3.06pm

It is very weird but satisfying walking through a town which uses your name quite so much. I find myself passing signs for Wallace Antiques, the Wallace Corner Store, the Wallace Fire Department. Then there’s the Wallace Inn, the Old Wallace Museum, Wallace Vintage Games. I imagine it would make old Colonel W.R. Wallace extremely proud indeed. And boost his ego too. If it didn’t, he’d have some serious self-worth issues. Mind you, he was a bloke who used to wander about calling himself a colonel. So I suppose he probably had some of those anyway.

I am suddenly proud to be the only Wallace wandering around Wallace today. In many ways, that makes me a kind of super-visitor. Someone who belongs in Wallace. Much more than that man who works in the bakery. Or that woman behind the till in the garage. I look upon them with pity. Imagine how much better their life would be, living in Wallace, if they were a Wallace like me.

Then I realise that I should probably stop thinking things like that. After all, that was how the Nazis started. It would be terrible if I returned to Britain a Nazi. What would my friends say? I decide to fight it. Later, I am seeing the man who does the Wallace website, Greg Marsh. When I see him, I will reassure him by saying, ‘I know I’m a Wallace and you’re a Marsh and not a Wallace. But that doesn’t make me better than you.’ It will probably mean a lot. We will both know that I am lying, but it doesn’t make it any less nice.

I find out that for the lady who is walking past the computers and engraving shop, the Centre of the Universe is her son.

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